Intent - a challenge

Charles Bukowski - You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics.

Ghandi - Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

Jackson Katz - We need more men with the guts, with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence and challenge each other and stand with women and not against them.

Melinda Gates - Our desire to bring every good thing to our children is a force for good throughout the world. It's what propels societies forward.

Today I have a challenge for you. 

It's not the pay it forward challenge, though I respect that and I think that by seeing the impact of a single kind deed, it gives you momentum to continue making an impact with kindness in the world. 

It's not dumping a bucket of ice water over your head to raise money for ALS. 

It's not to complain about wasted water by people who are dumping buckets of ice water over their heads to raise money for ALS.

This might be a bit of a rambling post because my mind is a bit addled today, but I want to talk to you. 

I want you to spend a few minutes thinking about what you do that impacts other people. I'm not talking change on a grand scale - we look at current world events and it's easy to start feeling hopeless and lost and desperate and paralyzed. Ferguson reminds us that racism is still prevalent, still painful, and that inalienable human rights are being ignored. The fighting in Gaza and Israel is a painful, visceral reminder that the peace we so long for is out of reach so long as people are not able to meet on common ground, as long as they are all teaching their children hatred. Antisemitism in France and Europe as a whole is on the rise. School is starting again, and with it, plotted school shootings are being revealed and prevented - but we have to wonder what will not be prevented. ISIS is beheading anyone who does not follow their path. Suicide of beloved actors and beloved friends both have touched our collective hearts as well as our individual. I could go on, because the pain spreads like a fine mist and settles on our shoulders, weights us like a delicate shawl - noticeable, but yet not enough to prevent us from going about our lives. 

Other people notice it too. My challenge for you today is to think about what you do that impacts other people, good or bad. I want you to look at what you do and think about the agency you have there, how small adjustments can make a huge impact. 

Once you've thought about your impact, I want you to take one purposeful action to reach someone. Just one person - but do it with intent. 

For me, taking stock of what I do and then intentionally making a departure from my normal routine can make a huge impact on my day as well as someone else's. I'm having a difficult time right now, being sick, sickness making me have to take prednisone, prednisone making me a bit manic and sad all at once. It's uncomfortable. I'm working through it by acting with intention. If I say something rash, I'm going to apologize for it and own the fact that I said something rash, I was unfair in my speech. I'm going to call my grandmother, who I don't call often enough, and let her know I love her and am thinking about her. I'm going to reach out to a friend who I know is having a difficult time and let her know I love her and I am here to listen if she wants to talk. I'm going to share some silly cat videos with someone who I know could use a smile. But because I'm doing these things with intent, they mean more to me. They make me take stock of my situation and realize hey - pneumonia is temporary. Mania is temporary. All things are ephemeral and I want to make sure I'm being a net positive in the world.

I look at the quotes posted above and I think about them each. 

Bukowski is correct - you begin by saving one person at a time. That person is yourself, and she may need saving repeatedly. That can happen, that is okay. You cannot save other people, I'm a firm believer in everyone needs to save themselves. You can light the way. You can give resources and advice, you can counsel, you can laugh together, but ultimately - you are not responsible for saving anyone but yourself. 

Ghandi's quote is one of my favorites. To me, being the change means acting with intention and letting people see your example. I do not change who I am around my daughters. I cry with them, I laugh with them. I make fart jokes. I am myself with my daughters and I let them see when I struggle, and I let them see how I cope. I let them see how I am being the change I want to see in them - I want to see them develop emotional resilience. I want to see them be strong so they can be a light - and they are. They are a light onto the world, each in her own right. And I try to set an example for others by holding myself to a high standard of behavior. Do I mess up?  Oh hell yes. I also try to be the change by apologizing and finding middle ground. Am I always successful? Oh hell no. I wish!

What is interesting to me in the Jason Katz quote is the idea of being complicit through silence. My brother in law is about to go off to college. People have behaviors that bewilder him - and I say to him hey. It's okay to say not cool yo. If men are joking about women as though women were subhuman, it's absolutely okay to be the guy that says, "Dude. Knock it off." You don't have to be a part of it, and you don't have to sit in silence. This doesn't mean you have to cut off friendships or completely avoid people. Sometimes being that change, that example of how to treat people with dignity, will help them see that they really aren't being cool or cute or hi-larious. Don't be silent, speak up. Don't be complicit. We don't want to be complicit - it's a voice that we have and it's our right and responsibility to use it.

And our desire to bring every good thing to our children IS a deciding force in the world - it moves us. Melinda Gates is correct. Not just my children but all children - and it's a big and giant and scary thing to make that leap from the immediate sphere of influence out into the wild world of everything. But again, small, be the change. Be that example. When you fail, fail. And do fail, please do, make mistakes. Be grand and bold and when you rush headlong without stopping, you're going to fail sometimes and that's great. Failure is the mark of growth, and success can't happen without it. Successes are what bring good things to children, and children's children. 

If you can make life better today for someone by acting with intent, maybe your child, maybe someone else's child (aren't we all someone else's child?) then you're changing the world. You can take stock at the end of the day and go yeah. I did that. Go me. It'll make you want to do more of it. And more of it.  Every day. 

Intent-ful action is addictive, after all.