On Bat Mitzvahs

This past weekend was my daughter's bat mitzvah. It was a beautiful ceremony, a celebration of life and growing up and gaining responsibility and of the young woman she has become. She's compassionate and caring, she's intelligent, she's stubborn, she lacks patience, she's friendly and unsure of herself. She starts new things. She gets frustrated sometimes and stops new things. She has all the brains and is learning,  bit by  bit, wisdom to go with it. It made me think about how the process of becoming a bat mitzvah impacts children.

The process of becoming a bat mitzvah really begins when a child is very young. They learn to read Hebrew. They learn marks that teach them how to chant, different tropes. They learn how to do a project that serves others and not themselves. They have to study, they have to reflect and really think about what it means to take on religious responsibility for themselves. Judaism is not a one-size-fits-all religion. It does not seek to convert people, it does not proselytize. It expects a lot out of you, and it does not begrudge you your right to believe in God or not. In point of fact, it's about healing a broken world and leaving it a better place. When we speak of the world to come, we are not talking about heaven or hell, eternal fire and brimstone. We're talking about the legacy we leave our children and their children - are we making a positive change in the world? And so a girl who is becoming a bat mitzvah starts by asking herself these questions. She chooses a project that helps people and then thinks about how that relates to everything she has been learning and has been taught. She questions the Torah and she questions herself. In short, the process of becoming a bat mitzvah encourages a lot of independent thinking and taking responsibility. The bat mitzvah is rewarded by leading the service, truly taking her place as an adult in the community, and by being surrounded by people who love her and praise her for the good she does in the world and the hard work she put in to this transformation.

I truly believe this is an amazing transformative process. Anna, my lovely daughter, did her absolute best and shined brilliantly. She is strong. It was hard! It's not easy, learning all these things and taking that kind of responsibility. And she did great.

Here are the benefits I see from the process.

• A growing sense of personal responsibility.
• Self-pride for conquering a difficult task.
• Praise and accolades for something you worked at and not something you inherently ARE.
• Instead of giving credit to a deity, the child takes credit for herself. She did this.
• Gratitude for others in her life.
• Life celebration - even if difficult things happened even the week before, she DID THIS. It was huge.

This was not my experience as a child and I am so extremely glad that my children are being offered the chance to have their coming of age ceremonies be a thing of beauty, family, and love. I hope and pray that it gives them the feeling through their whole lives that they are loved, that if they work for something, they will succeed at it, and that following through even when things are difficult is always going to be worth the payoff. I believe Anna is off to a wonderful start, and I look forward every day to the things she teaches me, and the things I learn about myself from the experience of sharing her life with her.

Julia - well, we do get a 2.5 year break in between. December 17, 2016 is a long way away!